Monday, August 29, 2011

Richelieu Cup Rally At Portland City Hall





Gold Weasel Matt Fitzgerald hoists the Richelieu Cup before
a throng (not shown) of excited Weasel Fans at Portland City Hall

By R Inkrat, London Times Ice Hockey Correspondent


PORTLAND, MAINE, AUGUST 29, 2011 - The Yanks really love their North American ice hockey, and nobody loves it more than the Golden Weasel fans of the Morning Hockey Club.  Consequently it was no surprise that the Weasel "rolling rally" to Portland's City Hall last week drew, well, a sizable crowd, if perhaps slightly smaller than expected.


Weasel star Matthew "Mattie" Fitzgerald, pictured above, carried the cup up the City Hall steps before a teeming throng of ecstatic Weasel fans, who unaccountably do not appear in the above photo (we have sacked the photojournalist who took the picture). 


As fans of the North American sport eagerly await the next Cup playoff. the Weasels and rival Blue Dogs have played a see saw regular schedule in recent weeks, with both clubs winning and losing close contests.  This morning's was typical, with the Weasels prevailing 9-8 despite a heroic 4-goal performance by Dog captain Gerald "Gerry" Nadeau, who had to drive hundreds of miles overnight in Hurricane Irene to secure an endangered vessel before returning to arrive at the rink this morning to lead his club.


The Cup has been turned over over to Weasel Richard "Gidge" Veilleux for the week.  Veilleux was heard trash talking in French to the Blue Dogs as he left with the famed flagon.  But the taunts were lost on his opponents who are barely literate in English at best, let alone understanding French. 


As a side note, we are informed at the Times that negotiations are under way to bring the Weasels to London for an exhibition match with a local club of North American Hockey enthusiasts.  Reportedly the main obstacle, one that may prove insurmountable, is the policy of Her Majesty's government prohibiting entry of "undesirable elements" into the United Kingdom.


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Monday, August 22, 2011

Weasels End Slide with 8-6 MHC win

By R. Inkrat, San Francisco Chronicle Hockey Writer

FALMOUTH, MAINE. AUGUST 22, 2011 - Goals by Matt "Dipsy Doodle Dandy" Noone and Peter "Pete" Eremita capped a late game rally by the Morning Hockey Club Gold Weasels and led them to an 8-6 win over the surging Blue Dogs, who had slapped the Weasels smartly in recent weeks but could not hold onto an early lead today.

The Dogs jumped to a 3-0 lead before the Weasels began to chip away and ultimately tied the contest at 4-4.  Leo "The Lion" Iacopucci's go ahead goal for Blue did not stand up and when the final buzzer sounded it was the Yellow menace that had prevailed.  

Both clubs were down a few players, and the Dogs were especially undermanned, with several players apparently absent due to book tours and autograph signings out of town.

As usual goal keepers Walt "The Wall" Leland and Jim "Red Light" Secunde were outstanding during extended stretches of end to end action.  Secunde continues to shine though playing under a cloud as he processes appeal after appeal of his $1 billion 98 cent fine for disrespect of a MHC relic, based on his scandalous treatment of the Cardinal Richelieu Cup after the Weasels (undeservedly) won the Cup during the last playoff series.  The Cup was at rink side this morning but appeared to have been spirited away by a shadowy figure who observers said resembled Brother Etienne Du Fond, the monk who escorted the Cup to the USA for the recent awards ceremony, and who reportedly was released from federal custody just last week.  The man who looked like Du Fond was heard shouting exhortations at Weasel Richard "Gidge" Veilleux, the Francophone star who performed well today and scored a key goal in the Weasel rally.  Club officials are seeking to recover the Cup and have put out a call to Weasel Cup players to determine who has not yet had his day(s) with the Cup.

Brian Linscott wants all his fans to know he "played a good game" this morning.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Michaels Recovering Well

By Gerry Atric, Boston Globe Medical Correspondent

FALMOUTH, MAINE, AUGUST 16, 2011 - The Morning Hockey Club medical staff is announcing good news in the follow up to knee surgery recently performed on star net minder Glenn Michaels.  Blue Dog team physician Sunil Sengupta, FACS, Diplomate in Sports Medicine, stated in a press briefing today that the surgery went well and Michaels is recuperating at home.  "We are very pleased and have achieved what we had hoped for," he said.  

Contacted at home, Michaels himself was characteristically gracious and positive.  "The surgery seemed to go well," he said, "and I have a cast on my right leg. It is removable but keeps the knee from bending for the time being."

Micheals suffered the injury while coaching Boston Bruin net minder Tim Thomas, who had asked Michaels to help him with his side to side mobility in the crease.  "It was a flukey thing," Thomas said.  "I am still not quite sure what happened to Glenn, and I feel terrible about it  because he was helping me."  

"I slept much for the first week and have been confined to the house and my bed or a couch," said Michaels.  "I am not able to drive and can only wear shorts that fit over the cast.  I think the biggest trouble was coming down off of the pain killers."  MHC officials will be monitoring Michaels's convalescence to be sure there is no violation of the league's token substance abuse rules.

 Meanwhile, old habits die hard.  "I really miss playing and have woken up at 3:30 a.m. on Monday and Wednesday," Michaels said.  League officials and players joined in wishing him a speedy and full recovery.


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Monday, August 15, 2011

Whither the Weasels?

Weasels fall to the Blue Dogs 6-3 (mercy rule invoked)

By R. Inkrat, Toronto Globe & Mail

republished by permission

FALMOUTH, MAINE, AUGUST 15, 2011 - Are the once high flying Golden Weasels a mere flash in the Morning Hockey Club pan?  Or are they the team that dominated the Richelieu Cup playoffs only a few short weeks ago?  This is what has everyone in the hockey world buzzing after the Blue Dogs skated to another decisive victory this morning.

Led by two-goal performances by snipers Tim Boardman, Gerry Nadeau, and Tom Golebiewski, and with several others contributing goals, the Blue Dogs jumped to a 3-0 lead and never trailed in this morning's MHC classic matchup.

"I have said all along, the Weasels are a playoff team, period," said veteran ESPN hockey analyst Barry "Mullett" Melrose.  "I would not go quite that far," NESN's Andy Brickley said, while trying to duct tape Jack Edwards' mouth shut.  "But I have to agree, the Weasel team we saw this morning lacked the spark the world saw during the Cup series."

Despite having the famed Richelieu Cup at rinkside, in all its gleaming glory, the Weasels struggled early and failed to breakdown the "Walt Wall" of ace goal keeper, Walt Leland, until well into the second period of play.  Leland was brilliant in the net, stopping almost everything the Weasels could throw at him, and this morning his defensive corps was rock solid in front of him, frustrating Weasel sallies time and again.

Meanwhile, the Blue Dog forwards controlled the flow of play and consistently forechecked and backchecked with energy and skill while peppering Jim Secunde with shots in the Weasel cage.  Secunde did all he could, but even he could not stem the Hound tide.  It is believed the actual score was higher than the 6-3 tally shown on the scoreboard.  MHC Ombudsman Don Simms, a wise public school educator in his other life, saw no need to register any more goals after the Hounds hit six.  He invoked the discretionary MHC "mercy rule" that allows the scorekeeper to withhold the entry of goals when the "self esteem" of the players on the losing side is in danger.  Thus, while it seems likely the Dogs lit the lamp more than 8 or 9 times, who's counting, anyway?

The Weasel highlight of the game was Brian Linscott's perfectly timed tip in on a centering pass, as the wily Gold defender arrived at just the right second to deflect it in.  In doing so, he was imitating several brilliant Dog strikes, including skilled tips by Boardman and Nadeau, the "good hands" people.  Since the scoring was murky it may be hard to tell but Leo Iacopucci and Matt Fitzgerald among others also added Blue Dog tallies and there were probably more.

Linscott remarked in the locker room, while noting he did have a good game, "We are a playoff team.  We're not ashamed of that.  We know when to peak and how to be ready when it counts."

Forward Ryan Foresman, who continues to be a mainstay for the Weasels, picked up the refulgent Richelieu for his week of glory after the contest.  Golebiewski had just come off his week with the Cup (he was a Weasel but now he's a Dog), which doubtless contributed to his inpsred effort today.

Explaining the cancellation of a planned documentary feature on the Weasels by NESN, "I was planning to do a feature on the Weasels and get up close and personal with them in the locker room," admitted Kathryn Tappan.  "But, like, now, I don't know.  They're just so 'then' and the Dogs are the 'now' team." 

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Monday, August 8, 2011

Dogs Win, 6-5

By R. Inkrat, ESPN Sports Hockey Specialist

FALMOUTH, MAINE, AUGUST 8, 2011 - A dramatic goal by Pete Carlisle enabled the Morning Hockey Club Blue Dogs to beat the Gold Weasels by a score of 6-5 in MHC play this morning.

The see saw contest featured lead changes and tied scores until goals by Gerry Nadeau (2) and Leo Iacopucci gave the Dogs a 5-4 lead with about 6 minutes to play.  Then cagey veteran Pete Eremita somehow managed to find the net and knot the tally at 5-5 with less than 5 minutes to play.

The action after that was fast and furious.  Gold attacked relentlessly but could not find the back of the net.  Walt "The Wall" Leland was superb in goal for Blue as the two teams scrapped aggressively in front of him, coming up with several critical saves.   With the play moving up and down the ice at speed, Carlisle, usually a defenseman but today skating up top,  found himself with the puck 15 feet out and put it by brilliant Weasel netminder Jim Secunde for the game winner.   Like Leland, Secunde turned in an excellent performance in net and had no chance on the game winner.

To their credit, the Weasels did not give up and had a good chance with seconds to play when Eremita sent the puck across ice just out of the reach of Ryan Foresman dashing for the cage.

Both teams lamented the absence due to injury of goalie Glenn Michaels, who undergoes surgery to reattach a quadriceps muscle this morning.  "We hate to see a guy like Michaels go down with an injury," said ESPN hockey analyst Barry Melrose, "but that's hockey." 
Godspeed, Glenn. 

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Michaels Suffers Setback




By R. Inkrat, Special to the Times of London (reprinted by permission)

Falmouth Maine August 6, 2011 – Star Morning Hockey Club goalie Glenn Michaels, known worldwide and celebrated throughout Northern Europe ever since his triumphal European tour this year, has suffered what appears to be a serious injury with the prospect of months of recovery ahead before he can return to action.

Michaels, a team leader of the Blue Dogs, was participating in the Tim Thomas goalie camp at the invitation of Thomas, the Vezina Trophy winner as the top goal keeper in last year’s NHL season.  Thomas had said he was hoping to get some pointers from Michaels.  While he was demonstrating a movement to Thomas, Michaels caught a skate blade in a rut in the ice and went down quickly.  He then had difficulty getting back to his feet and had to be helped from the ice.  

At first Michaels did not think it was that serious.  “I took a shower and drove home -- lifting my foot to the pedal,” he said. “In hindsight, I might have had someone drive me home.”

After checking at the hospital and learning he had not broken anything, Michaels consulted a sports medicine specialist who using a sonogram determined that the quadriceps muscle had detached from the bone in his right leg.  “That was the good news and it went downhill quickly from there,” Michaels quipped with his usual wry wit and good humor.  Michaels will undergo surgery Monday at Parkview Hospital to re-attach the muscle. After that he is expected to be in an inflatable cast with the leg fully extended for a month. “It will be a four to six month recovery period I have been told,” Michaels said. “I am not in pain at this time (which I know is a disappointment to many of you). However, that may change after surgery.”

There was sadness around the league and among hockey fans nationwide and around the world to learn of Michaels’ injury, especially with a veteran just hitting the prime of his career.  Thomas himself was inconsolable and unable to speak to the press for more than an hour after the incident.  “How do you describe your feelings seeing one of the greats like Glenn go down like that,” Thomas said.  “It was just like Glenn to be willing to help me out by showing me all his moves.”

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Update On Missing Memorabilia - "Not In Hoc"

The Morning Hockey Club Board of Directors has issued the following statement late Sunday:

"Rumors have been circulating that Bill Welch sold his shirt to Febreeze's research & development division for a small fortune.   I have just spoken with both Bill and Commissioner Kramer and verified that no such thing did occur, and Commissioner Kramer has asked me to remind all players that under MHC Rules Article II, Section 2, Paragraph 1, Page 287, it states that 'No player shall sell any MHC apparel or item without unanimous board approval, with the exception of donating all proceeds to an official 501(C)3 charitable organization.'"

George E. Gooley
www.morninghockey.com
Sleep is the Enemy

CC:  MHC Board

 
        Gerry Nadeau, Chairman / CEO (2003 - present)
        JJ Mokarzel, CSO (2003 - present)
        Derek Nisbet, President  (2003 - present)
        Commissioner Kramer  (2003 - present)



Memorobilia Missing, Mob or Dealers Suspected

By R. Inkrat, Special to the Wall Street Journal

PORTLAND, MAINE, AUGUST 7, 2011 - Though Morning Hockey Club officials are speaking in carefully chosen words, it appears that a highly valuable item of MHC memorabilia may have fallen into corrupt hands in what could be just the latest incident of valuable player paraphernalia ending up for sale on the black market of sports artifacts.

MHC star Bill Welch has reported his blue # 18 jersey cannot be found, and he put out a call for it around the league.  This is often how it starts, a key piece of sports memorabilia goes missing.  Then after a time it shows up on the black market at a high price for sale under claims of legitimate ownership.

Welch's # 18 jersey had just been voted the special honor of being retired.  League founder George Gooley, announcing the honor, wrote to Welch, "The Morning Hockey Club Board of Directors voted unanimously in selecting you to The MHClub Hall of Fame.   Your jersey will forever hang in the rafters at both PIA and FIC, alongside the greats of Pickett, Sousa, Trowbridge & Mokarzel."  This message had not even arrived at Welch's office before he discovered the jersey was nowhere to be found.   

According to experts, a jersey worn in competition by a player of Welch's caliber could fetch tens of thousands of dollars at any one of a number of popular sports memorabilia web sites or auction houses, or for those looking for a quick buck could show up  on EBay or Craig's List.  "My guess it it's Russian mafia," said one source, who asked not to be identified for his own safety.  


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