Bravo, Les Bleus!! Dogs Prevail 8-7 in Richelieu Cup Tilt

By R. Inkrat, Special Correspondent to The (Montreal) Gazette

FALMOUTH, MAINE, SEPTEMBER 24, 2012 - Last minute heroics are nothing new to Morning Hockey Blue Dog Gerry Nadeau, and he delivered again today, tipping in a shot from the point by Pete Carlisle to give Les Bleus a dramatic 8-7 win in Game 2 of the Cardinal Richelieu Cup playoffs here this morning.

Nadeau's dramatic game winner came with just 20 seconds left to play and nullified Matt Fitzgerald's game tying strike for the Gold Honey Badgers.  Fitzgerald fired a long shot that dipped and eluded Dog net minder Walt "The Wall" Leland, whose brilliant goaltending had enabled the blue squad to hold a powerful Gold attack in check for much of the contest.  Fitzgerald got the puck near the blue line and let go a shot that seemed almost like a knuckle ball as it dropped and skittered through Leland's five hole with a little over three minutes on the clock.

Les Bleus then mounted a furious attack on Gold that the flashing glove and pads of Jim Secunde repelled time and again.  Like his Blue counterpart, Secunde was brilliant in the Badger cage, as both goal keepers amazed with tough save after tough save.  The game looked to be ending in a draw until Nadeau slashed through a seam in the slot to get his stick on Carlisle's point blast and tip it deftly into the net.

Fitzgerald was philosophical after the game and even congratulated Nadeau, calling out, "Nice tip in, !$%@&W%," in a great display of the noble spirit of the Richelieu Cup and Morning Hockey.

The Blue Dog win gives them a 1-0-1 series lead, as Game 1 ended in an 8-8 tie, which is still under protest.

 

Revered Relic Returns!!!!

The World Famous Cardinal Richelieu Cup

FALMOUTH, MAINE, SEPTEMBER 19, 2012 - The coveted Cardinal Richelieu Cup returned to the Family Ice Center arena this morning just a little bit worse for wear, and was on display rinkside throughout the Morning Hockey Club tilt won by Blue 7-4.

The Cup was brought to the arena by Steve Freese, who had taken the Cup on tour to Las Vegas last year as a member of the champion Gold Weasels.  Freese located the cup following a nationwide search and returned it to league custody in a triumphal ceremony before game time this morning to share with his teammates now in Blue.

Clearly the reflected glory of the refulgent relic energized the Blue squad as it took the contest in hand early and never faded despite aggressive attacking hockey by Yellow.

Richelieu Cup play resumed Monday but unaccountably the Cup was not delivered until today.  It will be rinkside for Monday's game two of the series.  Game one resulted in an 8-8 draw that is still under investigation.

The Cup shows evidence of slight damage at the base that has been repaired with an unknown substance.  The matter will be turned over to the French splinter group of religious monks that has had custody of the Cup since the death of Cardinal Richelieu himself, who was an ardent fan of ice hockey. 

Precautions were taken to keep the Famed Flagon well out of the reach of goal keeper Jim "Red Light" Secunde, who is still under a $1Bfine for his desecration of the ewer last year.

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Sidebar on Goal Tending

FALMOUTH, MAINE - The opening game of the celebrated Cardinal Richelieu Cup playoffs was marked by stellar, playoff quality goal tending at both ends of the ice.  Blue Dog netminder Walt "The Wall" Leland gave new meaning to the term, "take one for the team," as he literally took a puck off the ear midway through the contest and dropped to the ice in pain.  Fortunately, Leland was able to return to action and appears to have suffered no long term damage, though he showed me a long black mark on his goal helmet where the puck had struck the glancing blow.

Leland was seen playing a second game in goal following the Cup match, leading to the conclusion that he's either fine or, perhaps, crazy.

Gold Badger keeper Jim Secunde was also on his game at the other end of the ice, facing steady pressure from the formidable Dog attack and making save upon save.  He helped his defense by good rebound control and apparently suffered none of the jitters ,  many feared he would experience due to renewed demands for full payment of the $1B (yes, billion) fine imposed by the MHC last year for his "desecration" of the coveted Cup.  On his day with the cup, the Weasel back stop allowed himself to be photographed sitting by a fire pit in which the famed flagon sat.  Dissemination of the image provoked rioting worldwide and has placed Secunde on "the list" of Les Gardiens de la Coup Richelieu, a splinter religious order based in Paris, France.

"I spent the summer scrounging for bottles and cans on the side of the road, Secunde said.  "I bundled up several truckloads, and had them shipped to France. Don't tell me they didn't get there! I knew I shouldn't have trusted that guy from New Jersey."  He added, "Do I get any slack since I actually polished the Cup? Those French monks are tough." 

R. Inkrat

RICHELIEU CUP PLAY BEGINS WITH THRILLING 8-8 DRAW

RICHELIEU CUP PLAY BEGINS WITH THRILLING 8-8 DRAW

By R. Inkrat, Special to the Toronto Globe & Mail

FALMOUTH, MAINE, SEPTEMBER 17, 2012 - Bryant Field's shot from the point with less than a minute to play found its way into the goal to give the Morning Hockey Club Gold Honey Badgers (f/k/a Weasels) an 8-8 come from behind draw with the high flying Blue Dogs in the opening tilt of the long awaited Cardinal Richelieu Cup playoffs here today.  Controversy swirled about the game, however, as there were claims of inaccurate scorekeeping and the invocation of a little know rule that may change the outcome to a Badger win.

            Field worked his magic just moments after Dog sharpshooter Matt London had knotted the score at 8 with his third goal of the contest.  Badger sniper Tim Boardman was on fire, scoring four and back checking and fore checking over the entire ice sheet.  The see saw contest saw Blue take the early lead on back to back London markers, only to be tied and eventually to fall behind 7-6 on a Boardman tally.

            The Gold Honey Badgers were missing several key players who unaccountably failed to make it to the arena by game time.  Initially it was feared they were simply late and unable to make it into the Family Ice complex due to traffic and huge crowds.  But that did not turn out to be the explanation.  Gold captain Pete "Little Pete" Eremita was asked after the match whether a special rule applicable only to the Richelieu Cup may have actually called for goals to be added to the Gold tally, which would give them a win.  "I don't know.  I'm not sure," Eremita said sagely.  Both teams were missing key players but Gold was one player short compared to Blue.

            Under Article XXIV, Chapter 17B, Section 202.332, Subsection 202.332-N, Paragraph (a) (vii), Subparagraph K, during Richelieu Cup play only, "if at the drop of the puck the Gold team only shall be less numerous than the Blue team due to unexcused absences of players, then, in such event, there shall be added to the Gold team's final goal tally one (1) goal for each player less than the Blue team taking the ice for Gold during the contest."  The matter is under review by Ombudsman Don Simms.  If applicable the rule could possibly give Gold a 1-0 edge in the series, but as it stands now the draw leaves the squads in a dead heat.  This signals a high level of competition for the future course of the series, especially if both clubs can get their full rosters to the rink.

            Dogged Dog Defenseman Brian Linscott, always good for a memorable observation, thought for a long time when asked whether he had "had a good game."  "I hooked Boardman a couple of times," he said.

 

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IT HAPPENED - NHL LOCKED OUT, BUT RICHELIEU CUP IS ON!!

By IRA PODELL

NEW YORK (AP) - The clock struck midnight, and the NHL turned into another sports league closed for business.  Fortunately, however, hockey fans will still be able to enjoy the sport's premier competition as the Morning Hockey Club was quick to announce the NHL lockout will have no effect on the Richelieu Cup playoff commencing tomorrow.

Unable to reach agreement on a new labor deal, the National Hockey League locked out its players at 12:01 a.m. Sunday, the third major pro sport to impose a work stoppage in the last 18 months, behind the NFL and NBA.

Meanwhile, the MHC Gold Honey Badgers and Blue Dogs were preparing for the long awaited start of the best of seven playoff for the coveted Cardinal Richelieu Cup.  The Honey Badgers (f/k/a Gold Weasels) are defending champs.

This is the fourth shutdown for the NHL since 1992, including a year-long dispute that forced the cancellation of the entire 2004-05 season when the league successfully held out for a salary cap.  NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman followed through on his longstanding pledge to lock out the players if no deal was in place.

Morning Hockey Club Commissioner Gerry Nadeau commented, "We tried to help the two sides out by suggesting the NHL adopt our compensation plan (MHC pays nothing and only imposes harsh player fines), but it didn't fly." 

"We have been suggesting our players apply for permission to play in the Richelieu Cup playoff," player association representative Steve Fehr said Saturday in a written statement. "Don Fehr, myself and several players on the Negotiating Committee were in the City of Portland and prepared to meet. The MHC said that it saw no purpose in having a meeting."

MHC director of player/personnel JJ Mokarzel said, "The NHL guys are great but we really don't need them.  Besides, our fans expect a higher caliber of play and we do not want to water down the product."

"It's a sad situation for everybody. Nobody wants to be in this spot," Detroit Red Wings defenseman Niklas Kronwall said. "We couldn't agree on a deal with them [Morning Hockey]. We see it one way, and they another way unfortunately."

On Friday, the Quebec labor relations board rejected a request from the players' association for a temporary injunction to require the Morning Hockey Club to accept NHL players. The board ruled that it had no jurisdiction over playoffs in the United States.

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My Telephone Interview with Richelieu Guardian

R. Inkrat, AP Hockey Writer

FALMOUTH, MAINE, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012 - Your correspondent was able to reach Brother Louis Philippe Richelieu, the great, great, great grandson of the infamous Cardinal himself, and the spiritual leader of Les Gardiens de la Coup Richelieu, the French secret society of breakaway clerics who maintain the security and safety of the Cup between playoff series.  I called him at approximately 8:00 p.m. Paris time.  I wanted to know whether  Bro. Etienne LaFond, who escorted the Cup to the States last year, would be on hand for the start of the Cup tournament next week, now that the Cup has been found and is being readied for Monday's tournament opener. 

The following is a verbatim transcript of our conversation:

Brother Louis Phillippe:                Allo, oui.

R. Inkrat:                   Hello, is this Brother Louis Phillippe Richelieu? 

BLP:                           Oui, yes.  Oo eez dis?

RI:                               I'm R. Inkrat, your sacredness, the special hockey correspondent assigned to cover the Morning Hockey Club Richelieu Cup series that starts Monday in America.

BLP:                           Ah, oui, yes.  I am very well aware of zee Coup playoffs.

RI:                               My French is not very good, your sacredness.  I hope you don't mind speaking to me in English.  I was calling to find out if you had learned the missing Richelieu Cup has been found.

BLP:                           Oh, yes, yes.  I have heard immediately the reports he eez found, yes.  Good thing that, for Monsieur Freese, he himself.

RI:                               Yes.  Any reaction?

BLP:                           Of course we, my brothers and I, are very happy the holy relic eez recovered.  I have also recalled the assassins.

RI:                               The what!?

BLP:                           The assassins.  You know, keelers?  Weez zee peestols?  Had zee Coup not been found him, we of course must have taken action to defend the sacred honneur de Cardinal Richelieu.  Pour la gloire de la France!  Pour Les Gardiens de la Coup Richelieu!

RI:                               [momentary stunned silence] Er, yes of course, your sacredness.  I think we can all be glad that was not necessary.  Um, will Brother Etienne LaFond still be coming personally to the United States for the ceremonial puck dropping next Monday?

BLP:                           Zat it is still not yet being decided.  Bro. Etienne, ee eez him a little, how you say in English, nuts?  Leesten, you are nice young fellow, yes,  but I myself, I must go now.  The brothers and I are watching "The Doberman Gang."  Eet eez our movie night here.  Goodnight now, okay?

RI:                               Yes, yes of course.  Thank you and enjoy the movie.

BLP:                           Oh, wait, eez heem that Secundo goal person still playing zee ockee weez dem?

RI:                               Ah, [Jim] Secunde, yes.  He's still starring in goal for the Gold team.  Why?

BLP:                           Tell heem for us we are expecting right now tout de suite full payment in Paree, France, of zat beelion dollar fine for what he himself did to the holy vessel!!  You tell him, okay?  You tell heem we watch heem, okay?  D'accord, yes?

RI:                               Yes, your sacredness, I'll tell him.  Enjoy the movie.  Bye.

 

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Richelieu Cup Found!!!

PORTLAND, MAINE - Morning Hockey Club officials have announced that the world famous Cardinal Richelieu Cup has been found, just in time for the commencement of the Cup playoffs that begin Monday in Falmouth.

MHC ace Steve "Mr. Freeze" Freese issued the following bulletin late yesterday:

"The coveted Richelieu Cup has been found!! Due to its extensive travel itinerary, some minor repairs are in order. It will be returned Monday morning for the opening ceremonies and put on display for team blue cheese dogs to wonder...what if....members of blue cheese shall not speak of the cup until they earn it..."

 

The last known whereabouts of the Cup had been Las Vegas, Nevada, USA, where it was photographed during Freese's triumphal tour of sin city.  It had been feared that the Vegas showgirls pictured with Freese had been unwilling to let the Cup leave town.

 

"This is extraordinarily good news,"  said MHC Chief of Operations Don Simms.  League officials were quietly expressing concern that the famed flagon might not be located before play resumed Monday, when Bro. Etienne LaFond is expected to be in the United States for the opening ceremonies and the dropping of the first puck.  "We were not looking forward to having to explain to Brother Etienne and the Order that we had misplaced the Cup," Simms said.

 

Gold sharpshooter Matt "Dipsey Doodle Dandy" Noone, who captained the then Gold Weasels to the Cup last year, announced his return to active play and issued the challenge to the Blue Dogs.

 

"If noone had been there we would have won by 9. Challenge offered, challenge excepted! Can't wait until Monday. Better wear your shoulder pads bitches!"

Blue Dog star Gerry Nadeau was dismissive of Noone's remarks.  "I didn't even know he played Mondays," Nadeau quipped.  Team rosters and additional playoff coverage will appear here in the days to come as the hockey world eagerly anticipates this long awaited spectacle.

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Hockey World Breaths a Deep Sigh of Relief - Despite NHL Lockout There Will Be Playoff Hockey!

By R. Inkrat, special to the New York Times

FALMOUTH, MAINE - With an apparent NHL lockout looming, hockey fans around the world have been thrilled to receive the news that there will be playoff hockey after all!  The Morning Hockey Club has announced the resumption of the celebrated Cardinal Richelieu Cup series this month, beginning Monday, September 17, in a repeat of the best of seven cup challenge played last year, with the Cup going to the (undeserving) Gold Weasels.

"I have to say it is a huge relief," said Boston Bruin Tyler Seguin, who has just extended his contract with the 2010 Stanley Cup champions.  "We don't seem to be getting anywhere in our negotiations for a new CBA.  It was looking like there may not be any top level hockey this season, or not until much later anyway."  Seguin's comments echoed those of many NHL players, though their enthusiasm seemed to dampen when this reporter told them they were not likely to be picked up by either of the MHC clubs for the Cup series.  "We understand that," said Bruin sparkplug Brad Marchand.  "We are not old enough or worn out enough to qualify for the MHC.  Maybe someday."

The teams for the famed flagon fixture were finally set this week by Gold captain Peter "Little Pete" Eremita.  He has petitioned the league to rename the Gold squad the "Honey Badgers," stating, "the weasel community objects to the use of the name 'Gold Weasels' as demeaning to weasels everywhere.  In respect for this we are asking the MHC to allow the name change."  No ruling has yet issued from MHC official circles, although MHC prexy Gerry Nadeau did allow the use of the name "Honey Badgers" in the official announcement of cup play.

If recent competition leading up the Cup series is any indicator, the competition should be fierce.  The last four Mondays in a row have seen the games between the Gold squad and the Blue Dogs decided by a single goal after the winning team has rallied to come from behind.  In future reports we will review the rosters and provide other reports on the upcoming classic.

In a related development Bro. Etienne DuFond of the religious foundation in France that has been the custodian of the sacred Richelieu Cup is said to be traveling to the United States to drop the puck on the opening faceoff.  Officials are scrambling to locate the Cardinal Richelieu Cup, which has not been seen since its delivery to the Gold Weasels last summer after the previous series.  One hopes that the Gold Weasels will not have to explain to Bro. Etienne the loss of the iconic ewer. 

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Correspondent R. Inkrat has been on hiatus due to shoulder surgery and a temporary (failed) transfer to the political beat.  Morning Hockey News has to settle for him to get  a story on the exciting developments reported above.