Monday, October 24, 2011

Blue and Gold Battle to Draw 7-7

By R. Inkrat, Illustrated Hockey News Correspondent


FALMOUTH, MAINE, OCTOBER 24, 2011 - Proving that no lead is ever safe in Morning Hockey play, the MHC Blue Dogs coughed up a 5-0 lead this morning but still managed to eke out a 7-7 draw with the Gold Weasels, who overcame the 5-0 deficit despite not scoring until there were only 20 minutes left in the game.


For much of the game the Dogs dominated and looked to be cruising to a rare Morning Hockey Club shutout.  Walt "the Wall" Leland was stellar as usual.  But as is so common in MHC play, the momentum shifted when Matt "Dipsey Doodle Dandy" Noone pocketed on with just over 20 minutes to play.  The rodents chipped away and then took a 6-5 lead before Blue came back to tie it and then take the lead as Tim "the Man" Boardman's third goal made the score 7-6. 


With moments remaining canny veteran Eric Lagios and Noone combined for a picture perfect strike.  Lagios's long pass through center ice went tape to tape onto Noone's stick, sending him in all alone as ace Dog defender Pete Carlisle sprawled on the ice just short of knocking the puck away. 


Leland had no chance on the score, which at the time was erroneously recorded as giving the Weasels an 8-7 win.  However, Dog protests were validated as league Ombudsman Don Simms ruled that the sly Weasels had posted their sixth tally twice!  Leave it to a bunch of weasels to try a stunt like that!


The goal of the match was Matt Fitgerald's amazing tally following a looping flip pass from Travis Phillips.  Phillips was behind the Weasel cage and somehow saw Fitzy at the far post, lofted the puck over the defense and Weasel netminder Jim "Red Light" Secunde and on to his linemate, who knocked home the disk as Secunde had zero chance on the play.  Secunde saw a lot of rubber and was brilliant as usual in the come from behind effort, but after the game remarked, "I have no idea how he did that," referring to the miracle pass from Travis Terrific to Matt F.


Friday Night Lights


The MHC Gold and Blue clubs played a vigorous match Friday night at the Cumberland County Civic Center before a spirited throng of fans.  Gold popped to the early lead in this one but Blue came back and, at least according to scorekeeper JJ Mokarzel, though some doubted it, won the match 8-6. 


Unfortunately, the Pirates were not as good as the MHC and were shutout 3-0 by Adirondak.  Clearly the home squad was jinxed by Ronnie Eubanks and his family who all wore Philadelphia Flyers jerseys.  The Pirate players were clearly rattled by this display of hooliganism and, surprisingly, the Eubanks family got out of the rink without incident.


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Monday, October 17, 2011

Another Hockey Career Cut Short by Injury

By R. Inkrat, Special Report to Sports Illustrated

 Pat Lafontaine.  Bobby Orr. Cam Neeley.  Adam Deadmarsh.  Paul Kariya.

These are just a few of the great hockey stars whose careers were shortened or ended by the cumulative effects of injury.

And now, perhaps saddest of all, another brilliant career is cut short by injury, that of Morning Hockey Club goalie Glenn Michaels.  From his combative on ice persona, to his signature NGOAL4U license plate, to his faithfulness to the MHC and fellow players, Glenn Michaels was, and is, one of a kind.

As a former forward converted to the goal (what, was he crazy?), Glenn brought unparalleled passion and hard work to his backstopping role.  Time and again, Glenn's brilliant saves kept his team in matches, even when out manned by the opposition. ON those rare days when things were not going well for Glenn, he was likely to show his frustration by taking it out on his goalie stick, the cage, a water bottle, or any other inanimate object unlucky enough to be handy.  He took it out on himself.  But never, never on a teammate, even those whose mistakes put Glenn in the hole.

"As many times as I blew a defensive play and let someone in on Glenn all alone," said MHC defenseman Bryan Dench, "he never once blamed anything on me, though he could have often."  Michaels played the game hard, but with grace and a comradely spirit that made him a pleasure as a teammate or adversary.  Oh, he might have sunk into a dark study in his corner of the locker room after a tough outing. But he focused on himself and how to do better next time. Never on recrimination or shifting blame (even when the blame would have been well deserved).

Glenn was also famous for his wry wit, and one liners that were so bad they were good!  Though Glenn customarily dressed in "the Library," the quiet dressing room for adult players, he would nonetheless liven the chatter with his sense of humor and broad knowledge and interest in all sports and their history.

Michaels was hurt a few months ago, when helping Vezina Trophy and MVP winning goalie Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins at a Tim Thomas goalie camp in Falmouth, Maine. "I had asked Glenn to show me some moves for getting across the goal crease quickly," Thomas remembered sadly, "and Glenn's knee just gave out on him all of a sudden.  It was awful.  I couldn't feel worse, because it was just like Glenn to try to help out a fellow goalkeeper and this happened when he was trying to help me."

Michaels was characteristically gracious and philosophical about it and never once complained.  He underwent surgery and followed it with a long convalescence.  Last week, however, it became clear once and for all that Glenn could not return to competition.

"Usually for a patient Glenn's age euthanasia would be the treatment of choice for any serious sports injury," said surgical team leader Dr. Sanjay Gufbahal at the time of the surgery.  Last week he said, "We are just glad we could save him.  If we can now get him to observe the limitations of his treatment plan [no beer] there is a chance for a normal life."

"After 4 weeks of working from home, 8 weeks of gradually working up to full time, not being able to drive for a month, 8 months of rehab (6 still to go) and more I have decided I can't risk another major injury like this," said Michaels in announcing his decision to retire. 

The accolades and well wishes poured in.  Typical of them are these.  "Get well brother, you will sorely be missed," said the MHC's Alec Newcomb. "Playing against and with you was always a blast."    Dan Fahey, who played defense in front of Michaels often, added, "It was a pleasure playing with you and you will be missed. Hope your rehab continues to progress well."

Asked what he will miss the most, Michaels said, "The friendships and memorable moments (hearing Leo [Iacopucci] say #$$#%%^#!! after he was robbed...the faces of the players who realized that I took your space...and having someone asking for me to prove the puck was in my glove after a save (I didn't know I had in me) all will never be forgotten.
 


Always first to the locker room, Glenn now leaves the lights out behind him. The hockey world says, It won't be the same without you, Glenn.  Thanks for everything.


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Monday, October 10, 2011

Mokarzel "Channels" Nadeau to Spark Blue Dog Win

By R. Inkrat, North American Hockey Correspondent to the London Telegraph


FALMOUTH, MAINE, OCTOBER 10, 2011 - Observers have long suspected that Morning Hockey Club forward JJ Mokarzel had been gaining some sort of edge from his special, radio controlled helmet, which first appeared during the Cardinal Richelieu Cup playoffs last spring.  

These suspicions were well confirmed during today's contest, a 9-5 win by the MHC Blue Dogs over the cup winning Gold Weasels.

Mokarzel, in an amazing display of being in the right place at the right time scored five of his team's goals, and did so in many cases by camping out on the goal post like his sometime rival Gerry Nadeau, who was not at the game today.

Or was he?

Gold Weasel players were griping the locker room after the game that they believed Nadeau was in secret communication with Mokarzel via the satellite linked communications device within Mokarzel's special silver helmet, one unlike those worn by any other player.

Among those complaining was the usually chipper Brian Linscott, who with Gold teammates remarked that,  "JJ [Mokarzel] was camped on the post all day today," whereupon another Weasel chimed in, "it was just like Gerry [Nadeau]."  Asked if he had a good game today, Linscott said, "No.  I did not."  Some said Linscott's uncharacteristic downbeat mood was attributable to having to coach a U14 girls soccer team all weekend, an experience that can be draining even to the very best of mentors.


Goalies Walt Leland and Jim Secunde were outstanding as usual.

MHC officials refused comment on the Mokarzel helmet after the match,  but one MHC insider did confirm off the record that the equipment will be checked for compliance with MHC standards (which are low).

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

FBI Retrieves Famed Flagon

By R. Inkrat, Special Report to the Boston Globe

FALMOUTH, MAINE, OCTOBER 5, 2011 - FBI Special Agents have retrieved the famed Cardinal Richelieu Cup, which has been the object of an international search for several weeks, when Gold Weasel Richard "Gidge" Veilleux was stopped as he attempted to board a cruise ship in Portland harbor.

 "Gidge" Veilleux (right) reads a congratulatory telegram

"We had targeted this subject for a number of days," said Special Agent Richard Tracy of the Boston office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.  Morning Hockey Club officials expressed relief that the sacred object had been found and would soon be returned safely to MHC custody.  "I'm relieved," said ombudsman Donald "Donnie" Simms after this morning's contest, which saw Blue somehow rally from a 4-0 deficit to win 7-6 on a Travis Phillips marker late in the game.   In an unusual move, the clubs engineered a mid-game trade, that send Walt "The Wall" Leland to Blue and the always plucky Dave Jefferson to Gold.

The details of Veilluex's arrest and release have not been made clear, but our understanding is that he has been released on personal recognizance on condition he returns the Cup within 24 hours.  He spoke briefly to reporters as he left the United States Court House in Portland.

"The sacred cup is in my possession and I am loath to relinquish it," he explained, "actually I brought it to hockey yesterday and there were no Weasels of Gold upon whom to bestow the honor.  Those present claimed to have already had the awesome receptacle in their possession and were not inclined to shoulder once again the responsibility."  Observers had to agree that it is a grave responsibility to have possession of the coveted Cup.  Mental health professionals consulted in the Veilleux matter have opined that it is understandable a spirited player like Veilleux could become so fixated with the Cup, a relic of such powerful appeal, that he would refuse to give it up and even try to abscond with it.

All Weasel players, with one notable and sad exception (WE ALL KNOW WHO HE IS), have taken the responsibility with the appropriate reverence.

No one was more relieved at the apprehension of the cup hoarder that Weasel Matt Fitzgerald, who had also been high on the FBI's suspect list after hoisting the Cup in front of Portland City Hall at a huge celebration rally a few weeks ago.  He had insisted that he had returned the flagon, but FBI Special Agents had scheduled an "interview" with him for tomorrow.  Also relieved was flashing Weasel forward Ryan Foresman, who had been protesting his innocence in the affair.

Asked when the Cup would actually be returned, Veilleux said, "I'll plan to convey the Cardinal's cup to the [MHC] clinic on Wednesday night, where once again you may bask in its presence."

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Richelieu Cup Found!!!!

BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS - BREAKING NEWS