My Telephone Interview with Richelieu Guardian

R. Inkrat, AP Hockey Writer

FALMOUTH, MAINE, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012 - Your correspondent was able to reach Brother Louis Philippe Richelieu, the great, great, great grandson of the infamous Cardinal himself, and the spiritual leader of Les Gardiens de la Coup Richelieu, the French secret society of breakaway clerics who maintain the security and safety of the Cup between playoff series.  I called him at approximately 8:00 p.m. Paris time.  I wanted to know whether  Bro. Etienne LaFond, who escorted the Cup to the States last year, would be on hand for the start of the Cup tournament next week, now that the Cup has been found and is being readied for Monday's tournament opener. 

The following is a verbatim transcript of our conversation:

Brother Louis Phillippe:                Allo, oui.

R. Inkrat:                   Hello, is this Brother Louis Phillippe Richelieu? 

BLP:                           Oui, yes.  Oo eez dis?

RI:                               I'm R. Inkrat, your sacredness, the special hockey correspondent assigned to cover the Morning Hockey Club Richelieu Cup series that starts Monday in America.

BLP:                           Ah, oui, yes.  I am very well aware of zee Coup playoffs.

RI:                               My French is not very good, your sacredness.  I hope you don't mind speaking to me in English.  I was calling to find out if you had learned the missing Richelieu Cup has been found.

BLP:                           Oh, yes, yes.  I have heard immediately the reports he eez found, yes.  Good thing that, for Monsieur Freese, he himself.

RI:                               Yes.  Any reaction?

BLP:                           Of course we, my brothers and I, are very happy the holy relic eez recovered.  I have also recalled the assassins.

RI:                               The what!?

BLP:                           The assassins.  You know, keelers?  Weez zee peestols?  Had zee Coup not been found him, we of course must have taken action to defend the sacred honneur de Cardinal Richelieu.  Pour la gloire de la France!  Pour Les Gardiens de la Coup Richelieu!

RI:                               [momentary stunned silence] Er, yes of course, your sacredness.  I think we can all be glad that was not necessary.  Um, will Brother Etienne LaFond still be coming personally to the United States for the ceremonial puck dropping next Monday?

BLP:                           Zat it is still not yet being decided.  Bro. Etienne, ee eez him a little, how you say in English, nuts?  Leesten, you are nice young fellow, yes,  but I myself, I must go now.  The brothers and I are watching "The Doberman Gang."  Eet eez our movie night here.  Goodnight now, okay?

RI:                               Yes, yes of course.  Thank you and enjoy the movie.

BLP:                           Oh, wait, eez heem that Secundo goal person still playing zee ockee weez dem?

RI:                               Ah, [Jim] Secunde, yes.  He's still starring in goal for the Gold team.  Why?

BLP:                           Tell heem for us we are expecting right now tout de suite full payment in Paree, France, of zat beelion dollar fine for what he himself did to the holy vessel!!  You tell him, okay?  You tell heem we watch heem, okay?  D'accord, yes?

RI:                               Yes, your sacredness, I'll tell him.  Enjoy the movie.  Bye.

 

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