Richelieu Cup Leads to Medical Breakthrough

By R. Inkrat, Special to the New England Journal of Medicine

FALMOUTH, MAINE - In addition to the excitement provoked everywhere it goes, the revered Cardinal Richelieu Cup has also now been a part of medical history, as it has been found to be key to a hitherto unknown treatment for shingles.

Morning Hockey Club Blue Dog scoring machine Gary DiLisio, also a qualified physician, discovered during his "day with the Cup" that the famed flagon was the perfect device for mixing and delivering a solution that treats the chronic condition successfully.  "I think it's something in the metal of the Cup," DiLisio said, "that creates a chemical reaction with the solution, increasing its effectiveness multiple times."

The Cup in the Hospital

Results are not all in yet but it appears the medicinal brew prepared in the Cup is also good for acid reflux, hemorrhoids, and erectile dysfunction, though control group testing on those conditions is not yet complete.  After metallurgical studies are finished on the Cup attempts will be made to duplicate its composition so that vessels with the same properties can be produced world wide.

Curiously, however, Dr. Fritz Freiling of the National Science Foundation, who is conducting the tests, reported that so far the scientists have not been able to determine with certainty the Cup's metallurgical properties let alone duplicate them. "Ve fear dat ze Cup is maybe one of a kind," Freiling said at a press conference yesterday.  So while the scientific and medical communities are hailing DiLisio's breakthrough, serious doubts about our ability to duplicate it linger. 

            The good doctor's experimentation with the Cup in veterinary applications proved less successful. DeLisio attempted to administer the solution to farm animals, using the Cup, but with little success.  "I think it has to be confined to humans," he remarked.

      Dr. "D" and unwilling "patient"