Secunde Hangs Up His Pads

By R. Inkrat, Special to Pravda

 

FALMOUTH, MAINE, DECEMBER 4, 2012 - The Morning Hockey Club will be losing one of the great all time goaltenders according to an announcement by league GM Gerald Nadeau yesterday.  The brief statement issued by the MHC began, "Jimmy “the Glove” Secunde has decided to hang up his goalie pads.  He has some back issues that could become serious if he continues bouncing around between the pipes."

 

This is the second net minding great forced to give up the backstopping role in recent years, as fans worldwide remember the recent retirement of Glenn Michaels over similar health issues.

Among other achievements during his stellar puck stopping career, Secunde led the legendary Gold Weasels to their successful run to capture the inaugural Cardinal Richelieu Cup series.  A converted forward, Secunde applied himself with unparalleled diligence to the art of getting hit with the puck and often amazed with his dazzling saves and position play, especially those patented helmet and face mask stops.

With characteristic modesty, Secunde said, "I had more fun than you could imagine, just a little disappointed I could never play quite as well as I wanted." 

The good news is that Secunde will continue to skate with the MHC, returning to the forward position come springtime.  "I'm hoping to work my way back into some sort of aerobic fitness, so I'll be there for the upcoming Monday skates, and will probably poach a few other sessions here and there, as well."   

"Jim, we can’t thank you enough for the effort you put in," Nadeau said, "your sense of humor and the great attitude you have while playing, we all should take note. You’re a great sport and we’ll miss you."

Secunde's career was not without controversy, however, as he was subjected to the largest fine in MHC history over the Richelieu Cup for "desecration of a relic" when he placed the eulogized ewer in his fire pit and posed for a photo that due to his celebrity quickly went viral.  He has been working off the $ 1 billion fine ever since and was reportedly considering taking up a career as a male model to garner the cash needed to retire it.  In a surprise move, however, league officials have announced that given Secunde's decision to trade goalie pads for shin pads the fine is being forgiven.  Neither Secunde nor league officials would comment for the record but anonymous sources confirm that the league decided to remit the penalty in recognition of Secunde's other contributions to Morning Hockey.

The MHC also announced that another outstanding forward, Jamie Paschal, who has been filling in ably for Secunde here and there, will be taking over in net on both Monday and Wednesday going forward.  Paschal's early performances have shown he will be a capable successor to Secunde and all MHC players welcomed the announcement.

We know all good things come to an end, but the semi retirement of Secunde is bittersweet for all MHC players and fans worldwide, who will miss his unique style between the pipes. "It's like when Bobby Orr retired," said MHC fan Shawn O'Hara of South Boston, "but maybe a little worse. But at least we know Jimmy will still be out there with the club."

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